I hope you are all well and have had a wonderful week so far.
As I’ve been sitting down to write my blog posts, I’ve felt that there is yet a post to be written that focuses on real life. And by real life, I mean something other than Fashion that can encourage some form of positivity. So with that in mind I have decided to write a really personal post. And I hope anyone going through such a thing (or has gone through such a thing) can take some positivity and hope away from it.
So about a week ago I was given the chance to attend and influencer party. And initially I was really excited. I thought it would have been a good opportunity to network and even make some new friends within the Fashion Blogger world.
Having arrived I quickly realise the party wasn’t for me. The vibe that I was getting was not a great one. Everyone seemed really clique and if anything I felt like I was in a Mean Girls movie (and not in a good way). People were standing in their own little circles (literally with no gaps for anyone to even say ‘hey’). It was almost like they were cold shouldering anyone they didn’t know. So truth be told I didn’t want to waste my evening surrounded by people who had no real interest in networking and left within 45minutes. And honestly speaking, I had such a wonderful time walking around central London at night. Especially with the Christmas lights on.
Anyway I seem to have gone on a bit of a tangent (something I tend to far too often). Being comfortable approaching a complete stranger and introducing myself isn’t something I’ve always been somewhat confident in doing. And it has taken a lot of self-work to build up the confidence to.
Twelve years ago (back when I was in Secondary/High School) I was seriously bullied. And though today it really does not seem like a major deal to me at all (I mean it has been twelve years), the impact did last a long time. And whenever the thought crosses my mind I can still feel how I felt back then. The dreaded feeling of having to get up and got to school was one that made me feel sick to my stomach. I felt like I had no one to speak to and to be honest that is probably what made everything 100% worse. By not speaking or telling anyone I was quite literally bottling everything up. Eventually the bullying became worse and it began having an effect on my grades. And I began losing my voice and confidence. And it got to the point where I started believing the negative words I was constantly being told. And to be fair when it is all you hear, it something you can easily fall into.
Eventually I spoke to my parents and they went and spoke to the teachers. The response they got back was ‘there is nothing we can do’. That is something that really infuriates me to this day. To think that teachers are meant to be there to care for students and these just couldn’t care less. Though I suppose this was really reflected on how horrid the school itself was.
Eventually my parents decided to move. So we left Birmingham and went to a beautiful village in the British Country side. However the damage had been done. I felt so un-comfortable with myself and was so incredibly unhappy. And I also had no confidence at all. The me that went into year seven was a completely other person that was coming out of year nine. But that is sadly one of the effects of bullying. It makes you feel like you have no worth. And not many see this and therefore the support a person being bullied needs isn’t always given. And that is what makes me most angry. The person being bullied is left feeling so down. And it has taken me a lot of work to feel how I feel today.
Today I couldn’t feel more at ease with myself. I feel so incredibly comfortable being who I am. And not just that, but my confidence has returned. I have found my voice. I know where I want to go in life. And I know I will achieve my goals as my determination has never been stronger. And to think of the things I’ve already achieved. I graduated from UCA with a 2:1. I made lifelong friends with complete strangers. I’ve presented to a room of over 85 people (did I mention I have stage freight) and literally rocked it. I’ve created The Style Cupboard and have collaborated with amazing brands such as INGLOT and Marc Jacobs. I’ve been invited to London Fashion Week and sat in the FROW. I’ve completed an internship within PR (which is seriously though but equally fun). And I’ve worked as a social media specialist for EAST. And now whilst I’m searching for a marketing job I’m also freelancing in graphic design! So basically what I’m trying to say is believing in yourself will truly allow you to achieve your goals.
If you (or anyone you know) is getting bullied then I really can’t express the importance of telling someone. As this was the first stage in my process towards becoming me. If you believe you have no one to confide in then please use an anonymous phone line such as:
0808 800 2222
Don’t let the negativity build inside.
I know it might seem like you are stuck but trust me when I say you won’t be there forever. Everything will get better. And no one can give you the confidence and self-belief. You have to find it within yourself. And I know it is in there.
I didn’t really plan this post out and thought it would be best to just write straight from the heart. Thank you for taking your time to read this. Also please do share it as it might help someone.
Until The Next Time
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